NaruIno in 30 Kisses
by Kaara
Summary: Response to 30Kisses LJ community's themes. How Naruto and Ino's relationship came to be and progressed. NaruIno.
1. Getting Acquainted

**Title: **NaruIno in 30 Kisses.  
**By: **Kaara.  
**Disclaimer: **I do not own Naruto. Kishimoto does, so you might want to garrote _him_ for screwing up a perfectly good manga with fanservice and plot degradation (if there is still any left).  
**Rating: **PG13 to R, in later chapters.  
**Note:** Done this for **30kisses** LJ community. Chapters will be produced randomly. Don't expect me to update this on constant basis. But enjoy nonetheless; it's a crucial element in reading.

**xxx**

Theme #21: Violence - **Getting Acquainted**

**xxx**

If there was one thing that Uzumaki Naruto could do effortlessly, that would be being attractive. But not _attractive_ as in Uchiha 'I'm-So-Cool-And-Hot-That-I-Don't-Need-Facial-Expression' Sasuke's sort of attractiveness; the blond was the epitome of the loud and annoying and _unbelievingly glaring_ type of attractiveness. One could say that it was utterly _impossible _to not notice the existence of Uzumaki Naruto.

For one, there was that hideous orange mutation that he wore…

… and that astounding ability to consume ramen…

… not to mention his daily proclamations of 'being acknowledged' and 'becoming the next Hokage'…

… and the way he surprised a lot of people when he continued kicking arses after arses along his path to adulthood…

Never mind what they say about his potty mouth, Uzumaki Naruto was born to be noticed. And he did so, quite successfully at that too, if his widespread reputation was taken into account.

But he was never _ever_ meant to even attempt _courtship_.

_Ever_.

Because, despite being able to pawn both Hyuuga Neji and Uchiha Sasuke's respective arses when no one else thought possible, pawning Sabaku no Gaara's arse next (another impossibility that he had made possible), mastering Yondaime's Rasengan in a week and surviving Tsunade's drunken advances (something that even experienced ANBU members learned to dread), Uzumaki Naruto was one hell of a_ pathetic fool_ when it came to love.

Exhibit A: Haruno Sakura. First crush. Bold declaration of LOVE as the medium to gain the subject's attention. She had established, five seconds after he had loudly announced his 'love' for her in front of their classmates (and a bewildered Iruka-sensei), that she _hated_ him. This statement had not changed throughout the years they spent in each other's company (reluctantly, in the subject's side), though the 'hate' might have changed to 'occasional dislike, especially when he started making moony eyes and said something atrocious about Sasuke-kun'.

Exhibit B: Hyuuga Hinata. First admirer. An astounding display of ignorance and blatant _stupidity_ from his part. He didn't even realize that the subject existed until sometime in their Academy years when he _very _nearly set her hair on fire in a katon jutsu experimentation gone wrong. He failed to notice the symptoms of desperate admiration exuding from the subject throughout the course of time that they spent together. He even played matchmaker (alongside an enthusiastic Haruno Sakura) for Inuzuka Kiba, another pathetic fool when it came to love, and got the two desperate people together in the end. They lived happily ever after, although the subject insisted on making ramen for him on daily basis, much to Inuzuka Kiba's exasperation.

And so, when Uzumaki Naruto found himself falling in love all over again, he did courtship like he managed every other thing in his life; BRAINLESSLY. It was indeed a wonder that they even allowed him to be a ninja, let alone a jounin in charge of three also brainless brats (who, unfortunately for the good people of Konoha, shared his undying passion for orange _and _ramen). The quartet had even succeeded to blind the sparkly Green Beast of Konoha and the mighty Green Beast of Konoha Junior with their overwhelming orange-ness, something everyone had deemed _impossible_ to achieve.

Those said brainless brats' parents suspected that Uzumaki Naruto was contagious and a bad influence to their children.

A visit from the Godaime after they filed an official complaint shut 'em up pretty good.

It was with some surprise and a lot annoyance that Yamanaka Ino found one third of Uzumaki Naruto's Team One stalking her one day, despite the rather good job the brat had made in being invisible (for a genin, anyway). But it was impossible to remain hidden forever when someone wore an orange jumper, with black-trimmed, orange pants and an orange cap over green hair. It took Yamanaka Ino three seconds to realize that she was being followed, four seconds to pinpoint the exact position of the stalker, and five seconds to smack the stalker's head upside down.

The truth behind the stalking was obtained in ten seconds flat.

Yamanaka Ino was not the best interrogator in Konoha for nothing, after all.

Five minutes later, Uzumaki Naruto found himself staring dumbly at a fuming Head of Interrogation Department and the sheepish/embarrassed face of his caught student. The latest edition of Icha Icha Paradise felt heavy in his numb hand as stormy grey-blue eyes bore numerous holes into his vulnerable body. He had quickly dismissed his two drenched students (they were learning a water jutsu that day and needless to say, had failed miserably) and the single dry one with hasty instruction to be punctual tomorrow (something he had not done since who-knows-when). The brats bitched for a good five minutes before Yamanaka Ino grew fed up of waiting and death-glared them away.

Uzumaki Naruto offered his fellow shinobi of Konoha a crooked grin.

In the background, the crickets stopped chirping and an ominous funeral march started playing.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" was actually the first sentence that Yamanaka Ino uttered, hands on her hip and grey-blue eyes piercing into clear blue.

Uzumaki Naruto's grin faltered. "Uh… nothing?"

The platinum blonde snorted unladylike-ly. "Right. Telling your students to wear _orange_ when they're following someone is _nothing_? That kid stood out like a sore thumb. Next thing you're going to say is that you feed them ramen everyday under the pretence that it's a balanced diet."

Uzumaki Naruto twitched and bristled indignantly at the accusation. "Ramen _is_ a balanced diet."

"Says you," scoffed the interrogator. "And mind telling me what is it with all this 'tail Yamanaka-san and record everything that she does today' business? I don't remember signing up as target practice for Stealth 101."

The jounin scratched his whiskered cheek in contemplation. Although there were still people who didn't believe it, Uzumaki Naruto was not stupid. Far from it, in fact. And he knew when to lie and when to just tell the feckin' truth. "I want to know your daily routine."

Yamanaka Ino arched an eyebrow. "And this is because…?"

"Er…" hesitance clouded the jounin's feature for a split second. "Will you believe me if I say that I'm doing a field research about your department's activities?"

"No," the interrogator deadpanned.

A heavy exhale of air. "Thought so. Well, to tell you the truth, I kinda… uh… want to know you. What you like, what you do everyday. Apart from scaring the heck out of people, of course."

Another eyebrow joined the first one. "So that's why you've been asking your student to follow me?"

"Yeah."

"And were you the one that put up all that chuunin trainees to apply for apprenticeship in my department?"

"… Kinda."

"Please don't tell me that you also asked Godaime-sama to arrange those missions last week that we had to work on together."

"That old hag _offered_ to help!"

Yamanaka Ino sighed and crossed her hands against her (ample) chest. "And how about those anonymous, big-ass floral arrangements?"

"I swear _that_ was not my idea!"

"Really?"

Uzumaki Naruto swallowed, feeling something akin to bile rising in his throat. "Well… if you put it like that… maybe I did. But Konohamaru said that women love flowers!"

"Not funeral arrangements, idiot."

"… Oh."

Uzumaki Naruto swore that he was going to _murder_ Sarutobi Konohamaru afterwards.

_If_ he survived Yamanaka Ino, that is.

The two blondes eyed each other in a stretch of complete silence.

"So…" they started at the same time. Uzumaki Naruto coughed, while Yamanaka Ino's glare softened.

"You should just ask me out, you know," continued the interrogator, twirling a strand of bleached golden hair around her finger. "That would've been more efficient and time-saving."

The jounin turned a bit red at the suggestion. "I didn't think that you'd agree after that _incident_."

Yamanaka Ino had to suppress a snort of laughter at that. "Then you should think twice before trying to feel me up."

"That was an accident! _Accident_!" the jounin half-screamed in frustration. "You should stop going all limp and unconscious on top of people."

"I was using the Shintenshin," countered the interrogator, voice all sharp and cynical again. "I'm _supposed_ to go all limp and unconscious."

Uzumaki Naruto gaped soundlessly at the young woman standing before him, fingers itching to whip out his kunai and start slaughtering _something_ in order to sate his sudden urge for homicide. He must have done atrocious deeds in the past (kicked a puppy, stole some kid's lollipops, lied to Iruka-sensei etc) to deserve such karma-tastic treatment in his practically nonexistent love life. There was no other justification that could explain his rotten luck so far. Maybe he should shave his head and become a monk in some isolated temples to redeem his sins. And become a vegetarian… which meant that he won't be able to eat meat… and beef ramen…

… Well, damn. Maybe not.

And Yamanaka Ino was still glaring at him.

Double damn.

Uzumaki Naruto sighed. Again. "Look, I'm sorry, okay? I really am." He straightened up (which brought him two inches taller than Yamanaka Ino, including the spikes) and coughed. Again. "So… mind going out with me for lunch or something?"

"Thought you'd _never_ ask," Yamanaka Ino huffed. To his surprise (which explained why he didn't duck), she kicked his balls. Hard. "That's for fondling my ass." And she leaned forward, pressing her soft, pliant lips against his (twisted in a grimace of pain, from his curled position on the ground). "And a kiss to seal the deal. See you later, _darling_."

Uzumaki Naruto wondered, for the first time, if entering into any sort of relationship with one Yamanaka Ino could be hazardous to his health.

And balls.

**TBC**

Feedbacks is very much appreciated. **  
**


	2. Revelation

**Title: **NaruIno in 30 Kisses.  
**By: **Kaara.  
**Disclaimer: **I do not own Naruto. Kishimoto does, so you might want to garrote _him_ for screwing up a perfectly good manga with fanservice and plot degradation (if there is still any left).  
**Rating: **PG13 to R, in later chapters.  
**Note:** Done this for **30kisses** LJ community. Chapters will be produced randomly. Don't expect me to update this on constant basis. But enjoy nonetheless; it's a crucial element in reading.

**xxx**

Theme#12: In A Good Mood - **Revelation**

**xxx**

Uzumaki Naruto was in an especially good mood. Come to think of it, the blond jounin was downright _jolly_ as he appeared in a puff of grey smoke in front of his startled students, one and a half hour late from their meeting time. He didn't even greet them with his customary '1000 Years of Pain' sneak attack (under the excuse that they needed to build up their vigilance _and _endurance towards pain; his students knew that their sensei was just a depraved sadist in need of serious psychological treatment). Uzumaki Naruto poof-ed into existence and merrily grinned at his three brats from the branch that he was perching on.

Team One took one look at the wide grin decorating their sensei's face and exchanged horrified looks with each other.

A Naruto-sensei in good mood was _not good_; it usually promised imminent torture and heaps of humiliation for them.

Last time he was in a good mood (when someone threw a party to celebrate Naruto's birthday), Team One was assigned to dung disposal. It was not a pleasant experience, no. The smell stuck to them for three straight days despite the vicious scrubbing prescribed to them by their respective parents.

"Sorry I'm late," began the jounin, waving around a familiar orange book. "I was actually _early_ but you see, I met this old man with crooked back and…"

Team One continued to stare at their sensei in horror, too aghast to even tell their sensei that he had used that excuse three days before.

"… so I gave him a peanut butter sandwich, some bread and sent him back." Naruto finished his story with a flourish of orange book, still grinning somewhat disturbingly cheerful at his petrified students. "So, _kids_, guess what our mission is today?"

A collective terrified squeak came from the general direction of said kids.

Naruto's grin widened, almost arriving to the point of being _feral_. "That's the spirit!" He held up a scroll with a bold, glaring 'D' printed on its front. "Iruka-sensei needs some help to do the inventory of mission reports in the Hokage Tower. I volunteered my _wonderful_ team to help him."

Team One flinched and whimpered, clutching at each other for support. This was much, _much_ worse than cleaning by-products of cows; Iruka-sensei was notoriously known for being a meticulous perfectionist and unintentional slave driver, especially in matters involving paperwork. And the Inventory Room of the Hokage Tower was affectionately called the 'Hellhole of Konoha' for its reputation to periodically drown unaware chuunins in tsunamis of mission folders and papers. It was said that fifteen chuunins had disappeared to date, and that only Umino Iruka was untouched by the malevolent curse presiding over the room so far.

A resounding clap from their sensei snapped the poor trembling kids out of their fear-induced trance. "What are we waiting for? Let's get to work!"

Five hours later, Uzumaki Naruto and his worn, mentally-damaged team could be seen ensconced comfortably inside Ichiraku's warm glow, nursing bowls of steaming ramen in front of them. The kids ate their share in perfect silence for once, munching and swallowing their noodles mechanically as their eyes glazed over and their brains tried to revive themselves from the traumatic experience earlier. The Inventory Room was the pits of all pits. They could never look at papers _ever again_ without screaming in terror and/or fleeing for dear lives. Naruto was happily oblivious of the dazed state of his team, as he chattered on with Ayame about his newly acquired _girlfriend_.

Right on cue, said 'newly-acquired girlfriend' suddenly materialised behind him and slapped the back of his head.

Hard.

"One vegetarian ramen, please," said Yamanaka Ino to a giggling Ayame, flashing the other young woman a knowing smirk. She sat right next to Uzumaki Naruto, who was snorting out bits of half-masticated noodles from his nostrils, and kissed his reddening cheek fondly. "Miss me?"

The trio under Naruto's command stopped eating almost immediately upon realizing that they had company. They eyed the long-haired blonde besides their sensei with extreme wariness, as someone who could _attack_ Naruto-sensei was someone that should be reckoned with. Even Rock 'Green Beast Jr' Lee-sensei had a hard time besting Naruto-sensei in a one-on-one match, and that was after Lee-sensei opened three of his Gates (they were unlucky enough to be the sole witnesses of Training Ground 13's destruction). Besides, it wasn't often that they found their idiot sensei in the presence of a female.

And Haruno-neechan didn't count as a female because her punches hurt like hell.

Oblivious of his students' opinion of his social prowess (or lack thereof), Naruto coughed for a good while before he finally managed to be coherent enough to provide an answer to Ino's question. "What the hell, Ino! What was that for?"

Ino scowled in disapproval at the spike-headed blond and stomped on his uncovered toes. Pure agony (and much wailing) ensued.

Someone should really invent a more practical boots for the good shinobi of Konoha.

"Don't use vulgar language in front of impressionable children," admonished the interrogator, jabbing her index finger dangerously close to Naruto's eyeballs. She turned and smiled sweetly at said children, who was cowering back in fear of _her_, instead of their sensei's potty mouth (whom they have grown accustomed to). "I'm Yamanaka Ino, from the Torture and Interrogation Department. Nice to meet you."

After several seconds of hesitance, the self-proclaimed leader of Team One finally did a tentative bow towards Yamanaka Ino. He was tall and lanky for a twelve year old, with spiked grey hair and spindly limbs that moved awkwardly as he fidgeted around. His dark brown eyes, though, shone with intensity and determination in contrast with his gauche nature. "My name's Shinichi. Haiiro Shinichi."

"I'm Hiragi Ume!" chimed in a green-haired girl behind Shinichi, the one that Yamanaka Ino recognized as her 'stalker' from before. The interrogator decided on the spot that she liked the girl's bubbly enthusiasm and twinkling jade eyes, when she was not following people around under her sensei's order. Kinda reminded her of a certain pink-haired gorilla subordinate of Godaime-sama's.

The last member of Team One was a quiet boy that looked vaguely familiar to Ino, especially the black eyeglasses perched on his nose. He nodded at her mutely and muttered 'Aburame Shinji', before turning back to his bowl of ramen. His eyebrows were twitching sporadically as he stared into the depth of the bowl, much to Ino's amusement. Right, not as stoic as she had first assumed.

Yamanaka Ino thought that the kids were adorable, in a juvenile sort of way.

The kids thought that Yamanaka Ino was tolerable, in an intimidating sort of way.

Uzumaki Naruto thought that he better get some action tonight for the pain he had been subjected to.

"How come you never tell me that you have an Aburame in your team?" the blonde woman asked once she turned back to her consort.

The jounin shrugged, rubbing his abused toes gingerly. "Why should I?"

"Is he Shino's son?" the interrogator pursued, glancing sideway at said boy. The three kids were huddled together, whispering and shooting occasional grim stares at the two adults. "I didn't know that he'd married."

"Not son; youngest brother," corrected Naruto. "Kid got some unresolved issues with Shino, so you better not mention his name in front of Shinji."

"I'll keep that in mind," Ino nodded, sipping on her cup of tea thoughtfully. "How's your day so far? Done anything productive?"

"Yeah," the jounin pushed his empty bowl forward and tilted his head so that he was directly facing Ino. "Helped Iruka-sensei in the Inventory Room. That place's such a mess; it's worse than my room."

"Tell me about it," grumbled the interrogator, grey-blue eyes glazed over as she recalled a particularly nasty memory. "I was sent to assist Iruka-sensei when I fucked up in a mission last month. I had to take two days off after that to recover and write a three-page long apology letter to the captain."

Naruto laughed at that; loud, raucous laughter that bounced off the walls of Ichiraku and resounded brightly around them. Annoyed, Ino smacked him in the arm, which resulted in a bicker that became more physical than verbal as not-so-nice words (despite Ino's warning earlier) were thrown about carelessly. Ayame merely smiled in amusement, stirring the bubbling soup inside a big pot with admirable calmness, as if a couple of batshit crazy shinobi was not wrecking havoc to her ramen stall.

Team One gawped at the mayhem before them.

They finally understood_ why_ Naruto-sensei was in such a good mood.

Naruto-sensei was… _in love_. With that scary Yamanaka-san.

It was just like what Ero Sannin had warned them before!

Shinichi, Ume and Shinji shuddered in unison.

They're so _doomed_.

**TBC**

Feedback is very much appreciated. It will make this poor author very, very HAPPY.

**Kaara**


	3. Through The Wire

**Title: **NaruIno in 30 Kisses.  
**By: **Kaara.  
**Disclaimer: **I do not own Naruto. Kishimoto does, so you might want to garrote _him_ for screwing up a perfectly good manga with fanservice and plot degradation (if there is still any left).  
**Rating: **PG13 to R, in later chapters.  
**Note:** Done this for **30kisses** LJ community. Chapters will be produced randomly. Don't expect me to update this on constant basis. But enjoy nonetheless; it's a crucial element in reading.

**xxx**

Theme #2: News; letter - **Through The Wire**

**xxx**

_Ino,_

_Won't be coming to your place for dinner today. Ero-sensei said something important came up and he needs my help with the network._

_Save me some yakisoba. _

_Love,_

_Naruto._

**xxx**

_Dickhead,_

_I hate you._

_Not yours, _

_The Beautiful Lady That You Ditched._

**xxx**

_The Beautiful Lady That I Ditched,_

_I'm really sorry, 'kay? It's not like I can say 'no' or something. I owe the old pervert for saving my ass back then. He's gonna bitch about it if I decline. Besides, I'd rather have you sleeping next to me right now than him. I swear Jiraiya's starting to smell like his toads._

_It's cold out here._

_Missing you,_

_The Dickhead._ (drawing of two stick figures making out)

**xxx**

_Naruto,_

_You're bloody impossible, you know that? For the record, you shouldn't attempt anything artistic if you lack the talent. It's painful to look at, and my stick figure has disproportioned breast, you bastard. _

_Get back soon. It's cold here too._

_Missing you too,_

_Ino._

**xxx**

_Ino,_

_I need the actual visual image to make everything accurate, you know. _

_Love, _

_Naruto._ (drawing of a misshapen heart-look-alike… thingy)

**xxx**  
_  
Pervert,_

_Jiraiya's rubbing off onto you. You're sleeping on the couch once you get your ass back in Konoha. Ad infinitum. _

_Perverts Hater,_

_Yamanaka Ino._

**xxx**

_Ino-darling,_

_I was just kidding. Mission's going well. Expect the great Uzumaki Naruto back in Konoha by next week!_

_Love,_

_Naruto._

_p/s: You're not serious about the couch, right?_

**xxx**

_Naruto-bastard,_

_Stop sending singing frogs to my apartment. The neighbours are complaining about those horrible croaks. They sound worse than a drunken Gai._

_Love,_

_Ino._

_p/s: I forgive you._

**xxx**

_Ino,_

_Things got complicated. Akatsuki's here, more than four agents this time. Can't write much; Jiraiya's waiting for me. We're gonna head south and lay low for a week or two. I hate this._

_Keep Gamakichi close. If anything happens, tell him to seek me out. And don't let him get to the sake._

_Is Very Pissed Off,_

_Naruto._ (drawing of blonde stick man kicking stick men in black/red robes)

_p/s: I love you._

**xxx**

Yamanaka Ino frowned at the note in her hand, before carefully folding it and placed it into one of her weapon pouches. The paper crinkled as it joined its predecessors in the pouch. Something obviously just went wrong. It always did and it somehow _always_ involved Uzumaki Naruto in one way or another. It usually took one to three days for Naruto's messenger to reach her, so it would've been one to three days since Naruto and Jiraiya had started hiding from bloody Akatsuki. Concern was clearly written on her pale face, as well as annoyance. She pointedly raised an eyebrow at the small toad blinking up at her.

Damn. First his team, and now his pet.

Ino sighed. She didn't remember agreeing to be a babysitter when she started dating Naruto.

"Follow me," the blonde interrogator ordered, already pivoting on her heels towards the training field where Team One was already waiting for her. The three brats were obedient (read: properly scared) enough to follow her disgruntled orders since the day Naruto departed. If she was lucky, the kids would be too caught up in toad-catching exercise to bother her for the rest of the morning.

Gamakichi blinked again and hopped behind Ino, scampering madly to match the interrogator's long strides.

Upon arriving at the bridge over the river running along the training ground, Ino suddenly stopped. Gamakichi, unaware of the action, collided with boots-clad legs and stumbled back with a yelp of pain. The interrogator turned and knelt in front of the toad, lips curved into an odd smirk.

"Now, little guy," purred Ino, grey-blue eyes gleaming. "Let's see what you can do with three hyperactive brats."

Gamakichi squeaked in terror.

Yamanaka Ino's smirk widened and she leant forward, dropping a kiss between the toad's round eyes.

"Good luck."

**TBC**

I will love you if you give me feedbacks. Either way, I'll still love you if you don't. Only less, of course.

**Kaara **


	4. Going Home

**Title: **NaruIno in 30 Kisses.  
**By: **Kaara.  
**Disclaimer: **I do not own Naruto. Kishimoto does, so you might want to garrote _him_ for screwing up a perfectly good manga with fanservice and plot degradation (if there is still any left).  
**Rating: **PG13 to R, in later chapters.  
**Note:** Done this for **30kisses** LJ community. Chapters will be produced randomly. Don't expect me to update this on constant basis. But enjoy nonetheless; it's a crucial element in reading.

**xxx**

Theme #20: The Road Home - **Going Home**

**xxx**

Jiraiya was a great ninja, extremely skilled right to the ends of his ghastly white hair and blessed with the sharp mind of a seasoned survivor. One of Konoha's Three Sannin, he carried himself with an elusive sort of dignity (if he was not pissed drunk in some tavern or fawning over anything in a skirt) found in those with boundless experience in life. His network was one of the best; a cobweb of reliable sources consisted of, more often than not, non-human (specifically: slimy, hopping creatures). He was also the member of an exclusive group of people that could withstand Tsunade's post-menopause monthly rampage without being mentally and physically damaged. That and that alone should have given anyone enough reason to worship him.

Right at that time though, Naruto thought that Jiraiya was one heck of a smelly, perverted piece of human trash.

"Ero-sennin," the blond jounin's voice was uncharacteristically low and levelled as he all but hissed out that particular term of _endearment_ to the man crouching besides him. It could probably be explained by the fact that they were hiding inside a bush, behind a crowded bathhouse. Splashes of water and unmistakably _feminine_ giggles could be heard resounding from the building. Naruto shifted silently on his sandals and glared at the white-haired hermit. His eyes were positively livid with suppressed fury. "What does _this_ has anything to do with expanding your network?"

Jiraiya grinned, all gleaming teeth and lecherous intention carved as plain as the wrinkles on his face. "_This,_ my boy, is the height of networking itself."

"You can't tell voyeurism and networking apart if both of 'em are dancing naked in front of you right now," Naruto snapped in annoyance, glancing warily at the well-lit building some feet away before them. His apprehension was quite justified, as he had encountered more than enough angry females in his lifetime. The experience was not pleasant, so to say.

"I'll have you know that nakedness never sits well with me," the Sannin countered smartly.

His expression reminded Naruto to that of a famished wolf. The jounin scoffed. "I wonder why." He shot Jiraiya another glare, before straightening up and flicked stray leaves off his dark green vest. "It's been fun knowing you. I'll remember to write up a nice little obituary for your funeral."

Jiraiya blinked, jaw hanging slack. "Wha-?"

A quick succession of hand seals and a puff of grey smoke later revealed a shapely blonde (showing off more skin than public decency would ever allow) sneering at the Sannin with something akin to impish mischief on her whiskered face. It was a truly classic prank, really. Should've seen that coming. Before Jiraiya could form a single coherent sentence and/or launch himself at the near-naked female (granted it_ was_ Naruto; boobs were boobs), he was cut off by a high-pitched shriek and a palm connecting rather painfully with his slack jaw.

Sannin or not, Jiraiya found himself reeling backward from the unexpected attack.

"Pervert! Get off me!"

The cheerful atmosphere around the bathhouse dramatically stilled at Naruto's exclamation, replaced almost instantaneously by dark clouds of ominous hostility. Jiraiya blinked owlishly, placing a hand over his throbbing jaw. He was too busy ogling at Naruto's curvaceous, pseudo female form to notice the stampede of estrogens carriers coming up towards him from the then abandoned bathhouse. It was only when the enraged females loomed above him with raised wooden buckets that the Sannin realized how screwed he was.

Total mayhem ensued.

It was quite a satisfactory mission, Naruto (in his normal, non-near-nude form) reflected as he sauntered leisurely towards the small inn where Jiraiya and he had been staying for the last two weeks. Although the Akatsuki had suddenly sniffed up their trails in the middle of Jiraiya's monthly networking support work, they had managed to escape relatively unharmed, except for several close calls and stray rouges. Indignant shouts and shrieks resounded from somewhere behind him, where the white-haired toad hermit was being thoroughly pummelled by the group of female bathers. Naruto glanced back to make sure that Jiraiya was still intact. After ensuring that the Sannin would live through the beating, the blond continued his way to inn. He wanted to pack up his things and return to Konoha that very evening. He had wasted too much time catering to Jiraiya's ridiculous whims. Even owing the old pervert his life didn't count much when he thought of those who waited for him back home.

His mind immediately conjured up an image of a beautiful platinum blonde, stretched out seductively on his bed, wearing nothing but his worn bed sheet.

It took Naruto almost half an hour to stop the nosebleed that the mental image caused.

Upon arriving at the inn, Naruto immediately gathered what meagre belongings he had (amongst Jiraiya's scattered i research notes /i ) and went to see the couple that owned the place. The process of settling the payment took longer than usual as the innkeeper's five-year-old daughter refused to let him go, declaring with teary eyes that she wanted to _marry _him. Naruto rued the day he bought the little girl a box of plum candies (because she reminded him of Ume). He was rescued by her bemused parents, and with a promise to visit them again in the future, Naruto took off towards the general direction of Konoha, his mind fully occupied by his students' cheerful young faces and enthusiastic bouts of sex marathon with his lovely girlfriend. Nothing could ever stop him from getting to Konoha before nightfall!

**xxx**

Naruto was lost. As in, lost_ lost_. Without one heck on an idea where he was.

The dense fence of trees around him swayed in unison, as if mocking the blond and the predicament in which he was in. Naruto gritted his teeth, feeling a surge of homicidal aura boiling through his inner coils and forcing through his tightly-reined control. Crimson, malevolent chakra cackled sinisterly and poured out of him like tidal waves, pronouncing the lines of fury carved into his face and the threatening cracks from his whitening knuckles. The crickets stopped chirping, as though sensing the danger stirring in the atmosphere. Birds abandoned their nest in flocks to save dear lives. Naruto narrowed his eyes and glared at his innocent backpack, whose content had been dumped onto the forest's floor in his earlier search for his missing map.

Said map was currently in the hands of one Toad Sannin, to whom Naruto remembered giving for safekeeping on their first day of journey.

"DAMMIT!"

Crimson chakra exploded in spikes of power, leaving behind a twenty-something-feet radius of barren land and a gasping blond.

**xxx**

Yamanaka Ino tapped her booted foot impatiently, staring alternately for the umpteenth times at her watch and the big gates of Konoha.

_He_ was _late_.

She _loathed_ waiting.

Team One was also there, nervously standing as far as possible from Ino, who was mumbling under her breathe (they heard 'spikes' and 'chains' repeated quite often in the monologue) while radiating some kind of a murderous aura. After training under the Head of Torture and Interrogation Department for nearly two weeks, the three genins knew better than to add fuel to the fire. They had the unfortunate opportunity to experience Yamanaka Ino's fury first hand during their first three days with her. Thus, Team One employed a rather smart and safe technique; they pretended to not be there. If it wasn't for the fact that Naruto was their sensei (and that he promised to treat them to ramen once he got back), Shinichi, Ume and Shinji would rather be anywhere else than their current spot against the observation tower's cold wall. Gamakichi, sitting comfortably on Ume's floppy hat and suckling on an orange peel, seemed to agree with the genins.

"Yamanaka-san, Jiraiya-sama just reported in at the gates," informed a brown-haired guard, warily eyeing the kunoichi besides him before continuing, "_Without_ Uzumaki-san."

Ino's eyes, if possible, turned a greyer shade of stormy blue.

Team One cringed in terror and scooted farther away from their temporary sensei.

Jiraiya, oblivious of the tense atmosphere inside the control room, jumped into the room and exclaimed loudly, "The Great Jiraiya is BACK, baby!"

Utter silence greeted his 'grand' entrance.

Yamanaka Ino slowly turned to the Toad Sannin, chakra flaring dangerously. "Where. Is. That. Idiot?"

Jiraiya blinked, and took a step back. "Who?"

Ino raised an eyebrow. "_Your_ idiot student. Naruto."

Finally realizing the signs of danger, the white-haired hermit inched closer to the door. His spine was tingling from a sense of dread. "Er… I don't know?"

The raised eyebrow twitched. "Did you lose him on your way back?"

"I was at the bath house with Naruto and—"

And thus, with that inappropriate answer, all Hell broke loose.

Two weeks later…

A dishevelled, unshaven and sexually-depraved Uzumaki Naruto appeared at the doorstep of one Yamanaka Ino, who was currently standing in the doorway in nothing but a furry bathrobe and purple slippers. The former was trying to coherently relate his unlucky adventure into the Fire Country's wilderness without ogling too much at the revealed skin displayed in front of his starving eyes. The latter was patiently listening to former's desperate ramble, one hand playing with a newly-sharpened kunai while another idly toyed with the knot that held her bathrobe close. After giving Naruto approximately twenty minutes to try and explain himself, Ino finally took pity upon the young man's plight and invited him into her apartment.

Lots of French-kissing and tongue actions commenced soon afterwards.

As well as naughty, NC17-rated activities that ought not to be written in a PG15 fanfic.

**TBC**

I posted the wrong chapter... Sorry!

**Kaara**


	5. Drowning

**Title: **NaruIno in 30 Kisses.  
**By: **Kaara.  
**Disclaimer: **I do not own Naruto. Kishimoto does, so you might want to garrote _him_ for screwing up a perfectly good manga with fanservice and plot degradation (if there is still any left).  
**Rating: **PG13 to R, in later chapters.  
**Note:** Done this for **30kisses** LJ community. Chapters will be produced randomly. Don't expect me to update this on constant basis. But enjoy nonetheless; it's a crucial element in reading.

**xxx**

Theme #27: Overflow - **Drowning  
**

**xxx**

The shadows had started their intricate dance on the cream-painted wall, the few last slivers of dusk-golden sunlight filtering into the room to further accentuate rough wooden edges of framed portraits and myriad gleaming weapons hung neatly from pegs on the wall. The fading glow lapped against a pool of dark violet duvet at the foot of the bed, shying away almost knowingly from wiry, naked limbs half-drowned by thick comforter and downy pillows.

He raked his fingers absently through silky, pale blonde hair, breathing in the scent of summer and flower and sweat and sex that mingled and coiled in the darkening room like entwined invisible serpents. He glanced down at his peacefully sleeping companion, and allowed his lips to curve into a small smile. His skin felt comfortably warm where he was pressed against her, and the brush of her hair – spilling like precious liquid gold around them – comforted his earlier-frayed nerves.

He enjoyed their playful banters, but he loved these rare moments of silence.

She stirred slightly, shifting even closer to him. Her fingers curled around his forearm, beautiful head rested against his chest, and she stilled again.

He loved these moments where he could fully immerse himself in her presence.

He loved these moments when he was not her superior, her equal.

He loved these moments because he could freely admire her. Hold her.

His fingers fluttered over the curve of her exposed hip.

Love her.

He pressed his lips on her forehead, threading his fingers through her slender ones.

Her lips were soft and pliant under his, and he took his time to savour the taste uniquely hers.

Want her. Possess her. _Love_ her.

_One day_, Naruto ruminated as shadows cloaked them in its endless embrace and he sunk back into Ino's welcoming warmth, _I'll drown. And no one can save me when that time comes_.

**TBC**

Feedbacks will be much appreciated. They feed this author's starving ego.

**Kaara****  
**


	6. Injustice, According To Inuzuka Kiba

**Title: **NaruIno in 30 Kisses.  
**By: **Kaara.  
**Disclaimer: **I do not own Naruto. Kishimoto does, so you might want to garrote _him_ for screwing up a perfectly good manga with fanservice and plot degradation (if there is still any left).  
**Rating: **PG13 to R, in later chapters.  
**Note:** Done this for **30kisses** LJ community. Chapters will be produced randomly. Don't expect me to update this on constant basis. But enjoy nonetheless; it's a crucial element in reading.

**xxx**

Theme #18 : "Ano sa" (Hey, you know…) - **Injustice, According To Inuzuka Kiba  
**

**xxx**

"I still don't understand how Naruto did it!"

Hyuuga Neji looked up from the mission report in his hand, frown artistically in place as he glared at one Inuzuka Kiba. That was the _third_ time that the uncouth boor had opened his mouth and spewed complete nonsense in the short span ten minutes since they arrived at Ichiraku. The first and second was about Kiba's (understandably) lack of luck in wooing girls (prompted by a rather careless remark from Lee earlier, whom pink-haired girlfriend was nowhere within sight), and Neji had no doubt whatsoever that the subject still remained the same. The Hyuuga had had just about enough. Kiba's social life had nothing to do with him. He just wanted to finish correcting the disaster that was their mission report (_thanks_ to Kiba's outstanding talent in being unintelligible) and go home to further angst and harass the Main House members. He had even been looking forward to properly antagonize Hinata that evening.

Neji's lack of humanity was perfectly understandable. Old habits die hard, after all.

The Hyuuga counted to ten (as well as in backward order) and turned back to the report, pen poised over dog-eared papers as if he had heard nothing. "You misspelled 'spleen', Inuzuka. There're two 'e's in 'spleen'."

Neji wondered why he even allowed Kiba to write the mission report in the first place. Must've been his masochistic side acting up again.

"Whatever, man." Kiba waved the comment aside, his eyes fixed at something other than the messily-scrawled report in Neji's hand, which was filled with crossed and replaced words in red. The ramen stand was crowded, especially since it was lunch hour. Neji wanted to get the hell out of there as soon as possible. Kiba was not cooperating. The Inuzuka frowned and suddenly burst out the next second, "Dammit! Do they have to act all lovey dovey like _that_?"

Irritated, Neji narrowed his eyes and glanced over his shoulder, trying to see what had aggravated Kiba so much.

His milky-white eyes narrowed some more at the sight that greeted him.

Oh. _Them._

Again.

Across the small establishment were Uzumaki Naruto and Yamanaka Ino, seated comfortably next to each other and were too absorbed in their conversation to notice the existence of everyone else. Apparently, Ino just dropped a teasing kiss on her swooning boyfriend's lips. Naruto was donning what Neji had deemed 'the lovesick-puppy' look and was shamelessly ogling at Ino like he had never seen a pretty face before. The nature of their relationship was not something that Neji know nothing about, as he was one of the few that had the opportunity to see Naruto, the glorified 'Orange Demon' of Konoha and Godaime's potential successor, being bossed around by a mere young woman with killer curves and long, to-die-for pair of legs. Admittedly, the young woman in question was dangerous in her own (crazy/insane/special) ways, but Neji preferred to ignore that tiny bit of fact. Uzumaki Naruto, who had beaten him into humility, was whipped. Neji found it to be extremely ironic and funny.

He smirked at his incensed (temporary) team mate. "Inuzuka, you're depraved."

It brought the desired effect, which was to get Kiba's attention back to him. "The Hell did you mean?"

"Get a bath, maybe girls will like you more. Then you won't lament on Uzumaki's luck in maintaining a relationship," the long-haired youth retorted smoothly. He ignored the increasing amount of veins that were throbbing on Kiba's forehead and added, "Though I don't think that'll help much."

"I _do not_ smell, pansy freak!"

Neji snorted and allowed the insult to pass. It was too early to kill anybody. "Of course." It was obviously meant to be taken as the complete opposite. Neji even sniffed conspicuously as an added effect.

It was admirable, really, the amount of self-control that Kiba had accumulated through the years of being a loyal, hardworking shinobi of Konoha. Which amounted to approximately nothing. Neji found himself blinking right at Kiba's face, all fierce eyes and bared teeth/fangs. "Listen here, you _queen_! Let's get outta here and your fuckin' whiny ass is mine!"

Neji stared at the man before him. "… I'm sorry to disappoint you, but I'm not gay."

Kiba, as expected, spluttered like he had just downed a bottle of molten lava and backed away hastily. The colour on his face matched his facial triangles. "I didn't mean it _that_ way, pervert!"

"Oh? And here I thought that's the reason why you never have a girlfriend," Neji commented, taunting the flustered Inuzuka. This was much, _much_ better than harassing Hinata. "Rest assured, Inuzuka, your secret is safe with me."

"I'm not gay!" insisted Kiba, turning a darker shade of red than Neji had first thought humanly impossible. He looked ready to combust, come to think of it.

The Hyuuga prodigy merely nodded in mock understanding. "I'm sure half of Konoha appreciates what you're telling them right now."

True enough, much to Kiba's horror, his exclamation regarding his sexual preference had drawn the crowd's attention to the two. The establishment had fallen into some sort of amusement-induced silence, and smirking eyes were fixed on both of them. Including Naruto and Ino's respectively. Kiba also caught sight of his friends and comrades in the mass of people; Kurenai-sensei, Asuma-sensei, Shino, and Hinata were there, among others.

Kiba felt like dying. Or just fade away. Disappear.

Akamaru barked relentlessly at his owner, apparently discomforted by the sporadic twitches of Kiba's hands.

Neji smirked.

"Oi, Kiba!" Naruto's mischievous voice rang sharply and clearly above the silence. He looked like he was having a hard time containing his mirth. Kiba felt like skewering the blond idiot with chopsticks. "You datin' Neji now?"

And he finished the question with a loud, hearty guffaw, joined a second later by _everyone_, including _Hinata_.

Kiba wanted to _die_.

"Uzumaki," Neji coolly raised an eyebrow, his face scrunched up in delicate disgust. "You are insulting my taste."

Naruto waved a hand dismissively as he continued to laugh his kidneys out. When his fit of diabolical laughter was somehow abated (thanks to the admonishing whack to the head from a giggling Ino), the blond said, in between bouts of chortles, "I think you two makes a _beautiful_ couple. Really."

Kiba finally regained a semblance of sane coherence (despite still looking kind of catatonic) and hollered at Naruto, "Shutup and _die_!"

"Your spouse is _cruel_, Neji," Naruto pouted, feigning a look of deep hurt.

Neji had the elegance to not snort at the remark. Hyuugas didn't do snorts. "He's not my spouse."

Before Naruto could gurgle out another smart-ass comment, he was unceremoniously yanked down onto his seat by Ino, who had the decency to know that an annoyed Neji was a not-to-mess-with Neji. Working with the angsty Hyuuga prodigy had provided her with sufficient amount of experience in interpreting Neji's admittedly limited facial expressions. Neji was currently using the 'say-another-word-and-I'm-gonna-pull-out-your-spine-from-your-nose-and-shove-it-up-where-the-sun-doesn't-shine' look. The Yamanaka swallowed back an amused grin and offered an apologetic smile at Neji instead. Kiba was still hyperventilating. "I'm sure you have better taste than flea-ridden dog boy over there, Neji-san. You know how easily my idiot can jump into conclusions."

"Hey, I'm not anyone's idiot!" Why did everyone say that!

"I _do not_ have fleas, bitch!" Why did everyone say that!

Naruto slowly turned to Kiba. "_What_ did you just called my girlfriend, gasbag?"

If Kiba even had one ounce of survival instinct, he would've recognized the flashing signs of danger everywhere, but as it was, the Inuzuka was too busy being pissed off to actually stop and think about what he just said. Or was going to say. "What? Finally gone deaf from all the yellin' you did?"

It was really not a pretty sight when one ninja went after another, especially since it promised immense property damage and many a sad day for the insurance companies.

Ino sighed; trying to drag Naruto out of his fight to defend her so-called honour (not that she was not flattered, but really now…) was as tiresome as trying to force Shikamaru to complete paperwork. The effort would be futile.

Neji remained impassively un-amused, and was once again crossing words after words with his red pen.

"Hey, you know, they're gonna go on this _forever,_" Ino started, as she manoeuvred her way around the ruckus caused by Naruto and Kiba's fight and paused at the table that Neji occupied. "Wanna accompany me to this new restaurant up north? Chouji said that they make the best soba around."

"Of course," Neji nodded in acquiescence, gathering up the mission report and his back pack. "As soon as I send this over the mission desk."

The blonde woman smiled as chaos, in the form of two young men with mass hormonal overload, wrecked havoc around her.

Life was good.

**END**

Reviews are very much welcomed and loved. Because reviews keep me alive.

**Kaara****  
**


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